Life As I Know It

For two years I’ve seen my friends move on with their life’s successfully .Collage and travel, relationships. I’ve seen mine stuck in the same place with noting to show for it but a failed course that I didn’t even finish and a two day part time job. But I’ve found it. What I want to do in life and I must not listen to the naysayers.

      I’m only twenty but my life seems to be going nowhere. I’ve been playing it safe, afraid to take the next step. I’ve watch my friends move on with their life’s and enjoy it but I just can’t. I never knew what I wanted from life or at least I never admitted to myself what it is until now.

I want to write.

They say that as a child your imagination runs wild and as you grow older it gradually disappears, mine didn’t. As I have grown older my imagination only seemed to have matured. As a child I was always told that I’m creative. A small stint in 5^th and 6^th year art has only thought me one thing. I can’t draw. However expressing myself in writing seems to be ‘it’. I must build on this and take control.

      I can’t keep doing what I’m doing now. I will get nowhere and be still living at home listing to my mother complain about me not doing anything with my life for eternity. I can’t bring myself to just get a full time job and do a night-time management course. This baffles people. What I can’t bring myself to say is that I want an education and not a regular 9 to 5 job. I want more, I crave it!

      My mother wants to get me a FAS course and I will become an electrician or a plummer and be able to stand on my own two feet. That’s all she wants, like a mother bird pushing her baby out of the nest in hopes it will spread its wings and fly and avoid certain doom. That is all fine and dandy. I will become an electrician or a plummer and be fine with what I have got until a man will come alone and offer me 800 euro to masturbate in front of a camera. He will promise that it will be a once off and I will agree. Later he will call me and say the viewers want to see more and offer me more money, only this time I will have to do a bit extra. To this I will agree. Before I know it I will be rimming a guys asshole or be taken from behind by a big Eastern European dude who fell into the same trappings as I did trying to support his wife and kids. I will tell people that I ‘enjoy performing in front of the camera’ and that will be it. It will provide only a small bit of excitement that I once longed for as a young man.

       I must block out everyone else opinions on my life and where it should go, they do not have to live it, and ignore the fear of taken a leap of faith and failing. I must take that big step into that unknown abyss called life. If I don’t I will realise an even bigger fear of not moving on in life and being ‘stuck’.

This is a declaration to myself!

I'm so bad at this

My god I am the worst blogger alive! I'm so bad at this lol

New beginnings…..hopefully

Hay! Sorry I haven’t been writing on this blog for over a week now. I have been very busy….with my new jobJ. Yes, only a few weeks I’ve been writhing how I don’t have a job and how hard it is to get one and now, out of no-were, I have one.

It’s just a supermarket. It’s really good pay and I’m thankful for it. I’ve been there two week and have been mostly on the till (it’s so boring being on the tills, long shifts and noting to do. Time goes really slow). I did however make a mess up in front of my manager on Sunday. I accidently scanned a product twice and the customer came back to tell me right in front of him:-/ You could tell the he was pissed but he was really nice about it.  This isn’t a very interesting post because I don’t have noting to talk about right now. I’ve been working J

Anyway, how was your St. Patrick’s Day? I didn’t celebrate it because I was working lol

Here is a strange add for Cadbury's cream egg. I honestly can believe that this was made by the company itself…although I do notice that a lot more adults then kids buy them. The middle cream egg is such a slut!

Paranoid

All is well today. I’ve finally gotten out of that rut I was stuck in last week (who am I kidding it was basically during the month of Fedury). I just had a full grooming session so I don’t look like the hobo that I turned into anymore, got a hair cut and made the mistake of walking down to the library to reserve my copy of ‘The God Delusion’ by Richard Dawkins after it. As it turns out that newly cut hair can turn fuzzy in the wind, looked like a poodle walking around my local town. All is well for me and I hope it lasts.




Anyway, during Fedury I kept having the same dreams over and over. The Dreams did range but they all had the same theme. The first one I can remember so vividly. It’s of me and my friends waiting for the bus to take us to town for a night out like it normally dose but this time however, I was left behind. I watched my friends get on the bus and watched as the bus drives away. It is a horrible dream that leaves me with a horrible feeling. It’s the most common dream (or nightmare, I guess). Others include me catching me friends coming back from a costume party (strange, I know) and lying to me about it, my friends sitting at a booth in a restaurant and there’s no room for me and more around the same lines.



The first dream I told you about has occurred twice and the rest once. It’s nice to see that my brain has an imagination when it comes to making up these terrible situations to dream about.



I do have a few theories to why these dreams have occurred. The most local of them being that because of my current situation (consequently, these dreams started when both my course and job ended) I’ve been feeling left behind and excluded because everyone is off doing their own thing (I’m happy for them). Other theories include: I don’t fit in with my friends, my friend secretly hate me and my friends(I think this is plausible) are trying to murder me!............but my money is on the ‘I’m just feeling left behind’ theory.



What to do now? I’ve started searching for a new job and I’m starting proper collage next year so I hope I don’t have any of these dreams again.









Fun Fact: Ireland has elected its first openly gay TDs, which I find quite shocking that it’s taken this long considering Ireland is a very progressive country.
Irish TDs

Just Floating Around

I’m in a terrible place right now and that place is nothingness. From the start of February I’ve been in limbo and it feels fantastic!


Let me get you up to scratch. Since my last post which was god knows when I had found myself a course in Criminology and forensic psychology and a job selling shoes( not the high end kind, the kind were you basically had to throw the shoes at the customers to make them buy them) and everything was going great, my life was full so to speak. Now that is all gone to shite :(. Due to the economy my job was only on a temporary contract like many others who I worked with and that ended in late January. Unfortunately for me that wasn’t the only thing that ended at that time, my course did too (before I continue my sad little rant to probably just myself (lol) I have to say I did pretty well (: ). Fast forward 3 weeks and I’m here at 4.47 AM on a Friday morning sitting here writing this blog mainly to express how frustrated I feel that NOTTING IS HAPPENING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING CRAZY!!!

This feeling that you get when you haven’t done anything productive in a while is very……….strange. I feel like I’ve found the edge of the earth and stepped of it, now I’m just aimless floating around in space. It is very tiring doing noting most days. That’s very ironic, but true. I’m not a total waster. I do go out with my friends when everyone is free but most people aren’t. The 90’s T.V show Twin Peaks has kept me busy for a while. God this sucks! I’ve decided to do something about it finally. I’m going to drag myself up early tomorrow and start the job hunt. It may take forever and I might never get a job but at least it will keep me occupied.



BTW it’s the general elections in Ireland tomorrow. It’s were we vote for a new government and prime minister. Ever since this country has gone down the toilet and the previous government failed us tensions have been very high.

I’m voting Labour because they don’t want to cut 30’000 job like that gobshite Enda Kenny and their also for full marriage equality :) Sinn Fein are for full marriage equality too. Yes, that is Sinn Fein who is closely linked to, so closely linked that they probably are, the IRA!

Did you also know that 61% of Irish people are in support of marriage equality? Hmm? Hmm? :)


Joseph

                                                                                                                          

RIDICULOUS

For some people out there Dennis Ayers of AfterElton.com is makeing a fair point. Ayers has a problem with The Young Turks host Ana Kasparian useing the word 'homosexual' in a coloum she wrote for the news site  examiner.com about how students of gay parents do just the same as straight parents but for some reson Ayers decided to nit pick this colum and decided that useing homosexual, the correct term to exsplain who we are, is offensive and that she should of used the word gay instead.
See I'v noticed this trend occurring on the gay news sites that I visit as well. sites such as AfterElton.com like Towleroad and Queerty, these sites tend to "have there cake and eat it too". These sites give great covrage of big events that effect the gay community as well has, this is had to say, been making statement that I find too much and well, make the sites come off as a little moany.
Dose anyone else feel the same?

This is a like to the artical by Ana Kasparian:http://www.examiner.com/politics-education-in-national/do-students-with-gay-parents-do-worse-school

This is the link to Dennis Ayers artical:http://www.afterelton.com/internet/2010/09/young-turks-defend-homosexual?page=1



Joseph

I MUST BE ON CRACK!!!

Even thou he said it was.
This picture is not of mikey
but of a University of Minnesota
hocky player.

How could I have missed this one! That "Mikey" kid, the 17 year old closted hockyplayer, from the blog hockeykidmn is a fake!

Were was I? In the land of ignorance, no doubt

I'm reading an artical on outsports about it now. This "Mikey" is actualy a 40 year old man from Minneapolis!

NO WAY!!!!!!!!!

Who would waste their time pretending to be somone there not? Apparently this guys fake blog gave so much hope to young teenagers who are actualy in the situation that "Mikey" said he was in.
(Just a sidenote. Even thou I'm 18 I wouldn't be one of those kids. Don't play sports because I'm a lazy shite lol)

This blog post is writin by a woman named Madeline:Im-tired-of-crying
It just gose to show how devastaing this discovery is to some people. People who thought they found somone they could relate to. I will point out, however, that this woman obviously did get herself too involved which is evident by some of the previous posts e.g posts were she wrights about texting "Mikey". Also, she might off  deserved this a tiny bit because she commited the biggest sin on the internet. She trusted somebody who she never meet or seen 100%, claiming that "Micky" was like family to her.
Still its a good post that really highlights how a simple lie online can effect and hurt so many people

This is the link to the OutSports article about this whole messy situation:
OutSports-Hockey kid Mikey Anatomy Of A Deception

Off coaurse there is proably no need to post this link as everybody who follows me or views this blog has already read this article and has known about the whole Mikey scame since is broke in April. I only found out today..........thats how lame I am.

Joseph